Is Mental Illness a Myth?

Have I piqued your interest or accidentally insulted you? I did not make this question up. Thinkers and physicians for many years have wondered the same thing. Mental illness is confusing. It is not diagnosed as is physical illness via tests for microbes, probing for damaged or diseased tissue, nor compiling a list of objectively measurable symptoms. Mental illness is diagnosed via a system of symptom clusters published in one or another manual, the contents of which are agreed upon by scholars in the field. The problems arise when the contents of those manuals change over time, because mental issues are not clear-cut diseases as are physical illnesses. Things are added and subtracted over time--but we could not imagine a time when influenza would stop being called a disease!

Science tries, year after year, to isolate specific markers for mental illness. Tests come and go, but the construct remains elusive. We can objectively test for the flu or cancer or diabetes or a broken leg, but we cannot test in a way that never changes, for depression, schizophrenia, or anxiety. This does not mean that you are not suffering with your problem. It only means in this context, that your problem is mislabeled by being lumped in with physical illness. This is important for many reasons. I hope you are still with me as I elucidate why I, and others like me, believe calling mental problems "diseases" hurts those who suffer with them.

Why Yes, One Person Can Improve a Relationship......

All relationships can be improved. Really. Not all partners will stay together, but all relationships can be improved. And even if only one person is actively working at it, any relationship can become less contentious, more comfortable, and hopefully, even more loving. Research by John Gottman, supplemented by several clinicians such as Thomas Gordon, Brent Atkinson, and Albert Ellis, leads to some directions for successful relationship change. You can learn to adhere to several basic principles to improve your relationship.

First, avoid four major pitfalls: do not criticize your partner. You can complain, you can discuss issues, you can request he do something differently, but do not criticize. As a corollary to not criticizing, avoid becoming contemptuous and, of course, showing contempt. No matter how strongly you disagree with your partner, remain open to the fact that she has a reason for her behavior, and avoid acting superior. Stay off your high horse. Third, do not stonewall--be open to discussing issues using good communication skills. This might require taking a time-out to get yourself un-angry and prepared for a rational discussion, but do not offer a blank wall to your partner.

Finally, do not become defensive. There is a huge difference between "I am sorry I inconvenienced you" (genuine empathy for the other person) and "I was late because....." (taking care of your own ego). Defending is a natural human tendency when we screw up, but it does nothing to assuage the hurt feelings of your partner.

Now that you have seen some major don'ts, here is a huge DO: do speak kindly and appreciatively to your partner. Research shows clearly that lasting relationships contain five times as many positive statements as negative ones. Yes, five to one. Keep track and grade yourself--how close do you come to saying five nice, appreciative, positive, and/or supportive things for every complaint you utter? Many people are surprised.