In the world of caring relationships, we are often told to
sacrifice—to put the needs of others before our own. This is considered by many
to be the highest form of caring, of service to others. It contains a fatal flaw, however. It is one
thing to “love they neighbor as thyself” and quite another to love him more. This
is a valuable clue to many of the ills of humans in society. How can you take
care of someone else when you are worn out yourself?
If you continually put others before yourself, whether these
are loved ones or total strangers, eventually you will pay the price. As a
parent, you often must put your child’s immediate needs first. A child needs
help obtaining everything: food, clothing, a place to sleep. When your child is
ill, his illness disrupts your sleep. When money is short, your child gets food
first. At some point, however, if you wish to be healthy, you will need to catch
up. If you continue to put your child’s needs first, you may just collapse one
day and no longer be able to care as lovingly or even at all. Caretakers also
require care. Even parents fall ill unexpectedly, and always inconveniently! Then,
confined to bed, you are finally forced to catch up on self-care. You realize that this is not the best plan.
It is vital to look inside and ensure that you, as a
caretaker, are thriving. In this context, thriving does not mean, staying upright
by a thread, thoroughly enjoying the health of your loved one. Rather, it means
doing well as an individual—being happy and healthy in your own right. We
provide the best care to others when we provide the best care to ourselves.
